Scattered Spare Parts
by The 3 She-geeks
Summary: Was supposed to be a BIG crossover with almost any existing series you like (or dislike...), but is becoming mainly Xfiles/Pretender/ER... Can seem a bit weird at first but it's fully set in the Buffyverse, with real plot&storyline and even a Big Bad...
1. Chapter 1

  
  
**Title:** Scattered Spare Parts  
**Authors:** The 3 She-geeks  
**Disclaimer:** None of the characters used in this story belong to any of us.  
**Spoilers:** Probably almost until the end of season 6.  
**Summary:** BIG crossover with almost any existing series you like (or dislike...) Can seem weird at first but it's fully set in the Buffyverse, with real plot&storyline and even a Big Bad... Go check it!  
**Authors' note:** The timeline is probably around right after "Normal Again", with a few differences. Let's just say Giles is back, works again at the Magic Box, and that Xander and Anya are back together after the missed wedding...  
  
  
**

Scattered Spare Parts  
Chapter One

**  
  
  
A desert alley, around midnight and a half…   
  
Two men were discussing secretly. One of them was quite tall, bleached blonde hair, with a black leather duster. To sum it up: a well-known vampire. The light of a street lamp was reflected on the bald head of the little unpleasant man he was talking to.  
  
SPIKE (obviously upset): Bloody hell, Rocket, I told you to bring the junk tonight!!!!!  
  
ROMANO: But I'm still waiting for my clients… No victims, no blood supplies!  
  
SPIKE: Since those damned gits put this damned chip in my head, I can't kill anyone! Ok, except for demons, but they wouldn't go to your hospital even if I tell them to!  
  
ROMANO (with a wink and a sadistic smile): I can take it off if you want! I'm the most famous surgeon in the world, after all!   
  
SPIKE (with a distrustful look): I don't trust you. You look suspect.  
  
ROMANO: You too.  
  
SPIKE: Thanks. I always care about my look. Glad someone noticed.  
  
ROMANO: Back to our little business. If for Tuesday I don't have my quota of twenty seriously injured persons – and wealthy ones, with a good insurance – you can forget about your blood!!!  
  
SPIKE: Ok. No need to get nervous.  
  
Bip. Bip.  
  
ROMANO: It's my bipper . Back to the Romanomobile! See you on Tuesday, same place, same hour.  
  
SPIKE (ironic): Have a nice murder!  
  
The little man was already driving away on his little pink scooter. The vampire absent-mindedly lighted a cigarette, turning back and walking away through the darkness of the night.  
  
(Robert "Rocket" Romano appears courtesy of _ER_'s Cook County Hospital) (Thanks Robert) (See you tomorrow evening… )  
  


*****

  
  
The next morning, somewhere in Sunnydale…  
  
Buffy was in the living room of her house, sharpening her stakes. Suddenly the door bell rang. She stood up quickly and had a glance through the window. She saw a man and a woman she had never seen before, dressed in dark colors, waiting on the doorstep. Then she looked around for a place to hide her woodcarvings and finally put them hastily under the couch. The door bell rang again.   
  
On eventually opening the door, she saw them drawing their official badges.  
  
MULDER: Good morning. Special agents Mulder and Scully, FBI. Are you Buffy Summers?  
  
BUFFY: Errrr… Yes?  
  
SCULLY: We're investigating about a series of mysterious deaths that occurred lately here in Sunnydale. Do you know anything about it?  
  
BUFFY (slightly smiling): What do you mean exactly by "mysterious deaths" ?  
  
MULDER: Could we come in to talk about it?  
  
Buffy thought that Dawn was at school, so she wouldn't have to tell her to stay in her room. Then she thought about her stakes hidden under the couch, but the two FBI agents were already half in. She led them to the living room.  
  
BUFFY (indicating the armchairs): Come on, take a sit.  
  
As she saw them walking toward the I-am-a-great-hide-for-stakes couch, she said:  
  
BUFFY (quickly): NO! Er… Not this one… Take the armchairs, they're more comfortable…  
  
MULDER: Oh. Thanks.  
  
They all sat, the FBI agents on the two armchairs and Buffy on the couch.  
  
SCULLY: I'll be direct with you, your name appears in several of our secret files.   
  
BUFFY (with an innocent look): Ah?  
  
SCULLY: Yes. That's why we think you could help us answering some questions about those deaths. We managed to hush them up so you may not have heard about them yet. Three persons were found throttled with spare parts of Mr Potato, two nights ago.   
  
BUFFY: Sorry, but I don't see how I could help you.  
  
On finishing her sentence she noticed that a stake was not totally hidden under the couch. Buffy put on a tensed smile while agent Mulder began:  
  
MULDER: That's not all. We also found strange marks on the victims necks, so we believe that it could be linked to some vampire activity. And you're a specialist of vampires, right?  
  
BUFFY: I don't know what's written in your secret files, and I don't know what makes you think I am a vampire specialist, but I'm not.  
  
While nervously answering, Buffy slowly moved her foot backwards, trying to push the stake back under the couch. Hopefully the agents didn't notice her movement, and she successfully managed to hide the stake completely.  
  
MULDER: This is important, Miss Summers. Whoever killed those three persons, he might do it again soon.  
  
BUFFY: I'm sorry, but I don't know anything about it.  
  
The FBI agents stood up.  
  
SCULLY: We'll probably come back later. (then handing her a card) If you remember anything, just call us. Thanks for your cooperation Miss Summers.  
  
BUFFY: Sorry I couldn't help more.  
  
Buffy watched them leaving, and closed the door behind them. Then she hurried to the phone and dialed a number she new by heart.  
  
BUFFY: Giles? I think we have a problem…  
  
At the same time, right outside Buffy's house, Mulder turned toward Scully:  
  
MULDER: She's hiding something from us Scully, I can tell it…  
  
(Special agents Fox Mulder and Dana Scully appear courtesy of _X-Files_)  
  


*****

  
  
At the Magic Box, a few minutes later…  
  
Hearing the song of the small doorbell, Anya stood up and put on her ready-to-sell-anything smile. But when Buffy came in, she fell back in her chair.   
  
BUFFY: Hey! Anya! How are you? Not a lot of clients today?  
  
ANYA (ironically): How did you guess?   
  
BUFFY: Err… Is Giles here?  
  
ANYA: At the back of the shop.  
  
BUFFY (moving ahead): Thanks.  
  
In the back of the shop, Giles was facing a mirror. He seemed to be trying to… blink.  
  
BUFFY: Giles? Are you ok?  
  
GILES (surprised, turning around quickly): Buffy! I was, huh…I was…  
  
BUFFY: Checking you're not a vampire?  
  
GILES (embarrassed smile): Of course… So! Those two FBI agents?  
  
BUFFY: Yeah. The woman, a Givenchy trouser suit, red hair, ulcerated stomach I think…  
  
GILES: Hum, I was thinking of what they said…  
  
BUFFY: Oh! (I-knew-it face) Of course. Three persons were found throttled with spare parts of Mr Potato.  
  
GILES: Really? Mr Potato? Some kind of vegetable demon maybe. I'm going to figure this out.  
  
They both got back to the shop. Anya was trying to sell something to a woman with a really tiny skirt and a hardly visible shirt.  
  
ANYA: A birthday you said… Maybe those spices, they're aphrodisiac…  
  
PAIGE: Well, I don't know… I'm searching for something really special… For my brother in law. You know… It's really difficult. First he's a demon. After he's no more. Then he becomes a more dangerous and evil one…   
  
ANYA: Oh! I know what you need. Mandreï root, for infusion in a tea or in the diner. You'll see, his intestine will burst and his brain will boil.   
  
PAIGE (enthusiastically): I take it!!  
  
Anya looked at Buffy and Giles, putting on her more-cash-entry smile. Buffy looked at Giles suspiciously.  
  
BUFFY: Hey! Usually you take off your glasses and you… HEY! Where are your glasses?? (then realizing) The blink to the mirror!!   
  
She took a chair and climbed on it to take a look at Giles's eyes, while he was trying to make her back off.  
  
BUFFY: You've got green and blue striped contact lenses???  
  
(Paige Halliwell appears courtesy of _Charmed_)  
  


*****

  
  
Around lunch time, in a corridor at the back of the canteen hall in Dawn's school…  
  
Dawn took a look at her watch, and seemed to be waiting for someone.   
  
DAWN: Hurry up Janice! Where are you?   
  
She heard something, like a sigh. She looked around: there was nobody. Then a new breathing noise. Now she was anxious. She looked everywhere but there was still no one around. This time it was the noise of something that had fallen. She was truly nervous, and couldn't stand staying there.  
  
As she walked away, she heard steps sounds. She was beginning to walk faster when she suddenly faced a horrible green demon. Dawn tried to scream but instead of that she burst out laughing.  
  
DAWSON: Cut!!  
  
A filming team quickly came around her.  
  
DAWSON: What's wrong Dawn?  
  
DAWN: Do you really want me to be afraid of this? I mean… A 5 feet tall and green-painted boy?  
  
JONATHAN: Hey!  
  
DAWN: Sorry Jonathan.  
  
DAWSON: It's representative! That's your girlhood demon, you're at the same time afraid and attracted by him…  
  
DAWN: Hey, Dawson, it's ok. I know the stuff. Sexual energy and hormonal impulse. My sister's demon was rather bleached and nocturnal…  
  
DAWSON: Dawn, if you don't want to make this film, tell me and I'll…  
  
He stopped abruptly as something was thrown in his mouth. He quickly became red, unable to breath anymore. Someone tried to make his way through the panicked crowd.  
  
CARTER: Back off, I'm a doctor!  
  
Carter, who happened to be hanging around, managed to make Dawson spit a spare part of Mr Potato.  
  
Everyone was too busy making sure that the movie director was fine to notice that extra, going away with a slingshot and a red notebook in his pocket…  
  
(M.D. John Truman Carter III appears courtesy of _ER_; Dawson Leery appears courtesy of _Dawson's Creek_)  
  


*****

  
  
A few hours later, UC Sunnydale…  
  
Willow looked at the board where the last exam's results were displayed. Smiling, she turned round and jumped with a gasp: a man and a woman, both dressed in dark colors, were blocking the way.  
  
MULDER: Excuse me, are you Willow Rosenberg?  
  
WILLOW (hesitant): Er… Yes?  
  
MULDER: Special agents Mulder and Scully, FBI.  
  
They drew their official badges with the easiness enabled by years of experience.  
  
SCULLY: Could we ask you a few questions, in a quiet place?  
  
WILLOW (puzzled): Of course…  
  
The two agents followed the witch in an empty classroom.  
  
SCULLY: Miss Rosenberg, what is the nature of your relationship with Buffy Summers?  
  
WILLOW: Buffy? She's my best friend.  
  
MULDER: Do you think she has any kind of relation with vampires?  
  
WILLOW (innocently): What? Vampires? You mean, fangs, blood sucking, and all?  
  
MULDER: Absolutely.  
  
WILLOW: No. And, honestly, I don't even think vampires really exist.  
  
SCULLY: One last question, Miss Rosenberg. Would you consider Buffy Summers as obsessional with Mr Potato?  
  
Willow hardly refrained a smile.  
  
WILLOW: I… Don't think so…  
  
MULDER: Thank you Miss Rosenberg.  
  
(Special agents Fox Mulder and Dana Scully appear courtesy of _X-Files_… Again…)  
  


*****

  
  
At the end of the afternoon, at the Magic Box…  
  
GILES: This is really strange…  
  
ANYA: Yes, only one client today! How are we supposed to make this shop viable in those conditions?  
  
GILES: I was talking about those deaths…  
  
BUFFY (looking up from a demon book): I didn't find anything in there.  
  
ANYA: Maybe we should put an ad in the paper?  
  
As Giles and Buffy stared at her with a strange look, she added:  
  
ANYA: For the shop. An ad for the shop.  
  
BUFFY: Anyway, I don't see how we could find in any of these books anything about a demon who likes to kill with spare parts of… Mr Potato… (beat) It sounds really weirder when you say it aloud…  
  
GILES: You're right, we probably won't find anything in those books, but I had thought that we might find some clue… A demon with strange killing tastes for example…  
  
BUFFY: *Really* strange killing tastes…  
  
GILES: We should keep on looking in the books until the Scooby meeting tonight, just in case. Then we'll go patrolling.  
  
As the doorbell rang, Anya stood up and smiled, but quickly sat back again.  
  
DAWN: Hey! You'll never guess what happened at school today!  
  
BUFFY (turning toward her sister): Something surprising, let me guess… You got an A at your math exam?  
  
DAWN: Oh, really smart… No, it was while we were shooting this movie, you know, I told you about it… Well the movie director began to suffocate and then this handsome doctor appeared from nowhere and saved him! (desperate sigh) But he went away and I don't even know his name…  
  
She sat at the table and began to look dreamily nowhere in particular.  
  
The doorbell rang again, and Anya stood up with a smile once more. She sat back with a pout.  
  
WILLOW: Giles, Buffy! Two FBI agents came at the university and asked me weird questions.  
  
BUFFY: I know, they came to see me too. So you're in their secret files too?  
  
WILLOW (with a frown) What secret files?  
  
BUFFY: Didn't they tell you about those strange deaths?  
  
DAWN (daydreaming): Will I ever see him again? (desperate sigh)  
  
WILLOW: No, they asked me questions about you… They even asked if you had an obsession with Mr Potato…  
  
BUFFY: If I… What? You mean they think I'm the one who committed those crimes?  
  
WILLOW: What crimes?  
  
GILES: It seems that three people were found throttled with spare parts of Mr Potato.  
  
Willow really looked at Giles for the first time since she came in.  
  
WILLOW: Giles? Your eyes are…  
  
GILES (sighing): I know.  
  
DAWN (still daydreaming): And that dexterity to take the spare part of Mr Potato out… (half admiring and half desperate sigh)  
  
BUFFY: We need to… (suddenly turning toward Dawn) What? Did you say a spare part of Mr Potato?  
  
DAWN (coming back to earth): I know this is weird, but that's how Dawson almost got strangled.  
  
GILES: Anya, we should close the shop. I don't think any more clients will come today.  
  
ANYA: Hey, now *I* am the manager of the Magic Box, and *I* choose when it's time to close. (looking at the door with hope) Someone can still arrive, you know, a very busy client, someone who didn't have the time to come before and who will park his expensive car in front of the shop window and…  
  
WILLOW (in a low voice): Is that her kind of fantasy ?   
  


*****

  
  
On Xander's building site, around the same time…  
  
Men were taking off their helmets and shaking their dusty hair. Xander was near the tools, checking a list of what had been done and what was still to do. Everyone said bye and Xander stayed alone to close the building site. He still had a tool in his hand when he saw the two shadows approaching in his back. He turned back and was about to fight when he saw that it was just two humans. Dressed in dark colors. Not exactly black. Just dark colors.  
  
XANDER (embarrassed): Hey… I was thinking you were bad people… You know, the sun is setting down and…   
  
MULDER : And vampires are rising…  
  
XANDER: No! No, vampires? What vampires? (he took a look around him) Well, I'm sorry.   
  
SCULLY: That's not important, we're used to that.  
  
XANDER: Used to be threatened? You too? Huh… I mean… (he spoke quickly) Bad people threaten me when I leave the site. You know, pickpockets or this kind of people…  
  
MULDER: Ok. We're not here for socializing. (he took a little notebook from his inside pocket) Alexander Harris, is that you?  
  
XANDER (hesitating) : Yes.  
  
SCULLY: And you know Miss Buffy Summers?  
  
XANDER: Buffy? Yes! I know her! Is she all right? Someone shot her? Or is she at the hospital? Tell me she's ok!  
  
Xander saw Mulder writing on his notebook 'take a look at her hospital file'.   
  
SCULLY: Miss Summers is ok. We're just investigating on murders. Has Buffy Summers already been violent ?  
  
XANDER: No! Never!  
  
MULDER: That's not what her police record tells. Suspected in the death of the deputy mayor. Implied in a violent bar fight last year, she was totally drunk… You want me to continue? She seems to be someone really unstable, isn't she?  
  
XANDER: No… The beer in the bar was poisoned and she has been cleaned for the deputy mayor murder. It was an another girl…  
  
SCULLY: Yeah. Faith, she's in jail in L.A.  
  
MULDER : Right. One more question.  
  
XANDER: No. No more questions, you didn't even tell me who you guys were!  
  
The professional mechanism, they showed their FBI cards to Xander.  
  
XANDER: Oh… What was the last question?  
  
MULDER: Do you know someone in her circle who's got a Mr Potato collection?  
  
XANDER: Mr Potato? Are we talking about… the toy?  
  
SCULLY : With moving face yes.  
  
XANDER: Oh… Sorry. I don't know anyone.  
  
MULDER: Thanks for your help Mr Harris.  
  
Mulder and Scully walked to their car.  
  
XANDER (to himself): Ok, so what the hell has bleached boy done again?  
  
(Special agents Fox Mulder and Dana Scully appear courtesy of _X-Files_… It's becoming a habit!)  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
_That's it for now...  
But don't worry, the next chapter should be up soon! REALLY soon! Like, maybe tomorrow... Who knows...  
If there's any character of any TV series that you'd like to see in this story, ask for it in a review!  
And even if you don't have any suggestion, you can *still* write a review...  
  
**~ The 3 She-geeks ~**_  



	2. Chapter 2

_First, thanks everyone for the great reviews!  
And thanks for the characters and other shows suggestions, but the problem is... How to put it... We're French (which can explain most of the grammar and vocabulary errors), and we don't get any of the shows you suggested on our channels... (we're not even supposed to have seen Buffy's 6th season...) We heard of them, and I even think Andromeda is programmed on a satellite channel, but none of us get the satellite channels... (sigh)  
So unfortunately, Vaughn (from Alias), Tyr and Beka (from Andromeda) won't appear in this story...  
But I hope you'll enjoy this chapter (and the next ones!) anyway!  
  
To James (our Scottish reviewer): Glad you like the name! ;-)  
  
Note: As she doesn't seem to appear in this story, let's just say Tara is on holiday...  
  
  
_

**Chapter 2**

  
  
At the Magic Box, right after sundown.  
  
When the doorbell rang, no one looked at Xander coming in. The whole Scooby Gang was talking about the Mr Potato mystery. Nevertheless, when he put the hot-chorizo-tomato-cheese pizza on the table he won a standing ovation.  
  
WILLOW: Our savior!   
  
XANDER: A Mr Potato mystery as I heard?  
  
BUFFY: Don't tell me you've been visited by two FBI agents too?  
  
XANDER: Well, I almost tried to kill them but… No, I'm joking…  
  
ANYA (with a sigh): As always…  
  
XANDER: They asked me about a Mr Potato collector. Has Spike done some illicit stuff again? We should tell him that Mr. Potato is not a contraband product.  
  
GILES: Spike? Could it be him?  
  
BUFFY : He can't hurt humans.  
  
WILLOW: Yep. But what when he's just throwing something with a slingshot? It's not the same.  
  
DAWN: I'm not sure for the slingshot.   
  
BUFFY: Well, I don't know… Let's take a look on that. (to Xander) You brought some soda too?  
  
XANDER: Of course I did, who do you think I am? I don't… (suddenly noticing) Hey, Giles, what happened to your eyes?  
  


*****

  
  
Somewhere in the cemetery during the night…  
  
Spike and a demon were in the middle of a harsh fight, even if Spike was clearly winning. The Scooby Gang appeared as the demon was on the ground, about to be killed. But instead Spike put down his axe and sat down near him to give him a card.  
  
SPIKE: Take this. Say you're coming from Spike and I'll let you live.  
  
DEMON (reading the card): What are you talking about? I'm not going to see a surgeon! Did you have a look at my face? I already have old gashes everywhere!  
  
Spike stood up and lifted the axe above the demons head.  
  
SPIKE: As you wish…  
  
When he was about to hit the demon, someone retained his arm. Spike saw Buffy next to him. The demon quickly took the business card and ran away. Spike sighed.  
  
SPIKE: Hey pet… (taking a look at the Scoobies) Oh, you brought the kids, you didn't need to you know…  
  
The gang circled him.  
  
GILES: What have you done again?   
  
XANDER: You're trying to make fortune in the toy contraband now?  
  
SPIKE (smirking): What's up whelp? You want a dolly so you come to daddy Spike? (sarcastic) Whatever, you wouldn't be able to keep it very long anyway… (taking a look at Anya and smiling)  
  
In a moment of rage, Xander took Spike by the collar and held him against a tree.  
  
XANDER: Now that's enough! If you say one more thing I'll…  
  
SPIKE: You'll what? Come on, I'm not afraid of you… I might not be able to hurt you but I can still…  
  
BUFFY: Hey, break it you two! Xander, let him go, and Spike, no more comments!  
  
Xander reluctantly released him. Spike kept on smiling but didn't say anything.  
  
GILES: Let's get back to our concerns, shall we? Spike, do you have a Mr Potato collection, or do you know someone, vampire or demon, who might have one?  
  
Spike stared at Giles for a moment in disbelief. Until he burst out laughing.  
  
GILES: That's not funny.  
  
SPIKE: Excuse me, but dealing toys isn't exactly being the Big Bad… Not very vampiric or demonic, if you ask me… By the way, I don't think I… (suddenly stopping) Is that the moonlight or do your eyes have a really strange color?  
  
GILES (sighing heavily): Probably the moonlight.  
  
SPIKE (teasingly): Oh, Rupert, that's so romantic…  
  
XANDER (to Giles): I can stake him for you if you want.  
  
BUFFY: Hey. We're not talking about toy dealing, but about murders. Three persons were found strangled with spare parts of Mr Potato and we almost got a fourth victim today.  
  
SPIKE (picturing it and smiling): Could be fun…  
  
BUFFY: So you don't have any idea who did this?  
  
SPIKE: Nope.  
  
XANDER: Ok, let's go, obviously bleached boy doesn't know anything!  
  
WILLOW: We should go to Dawn's school, we might find something.  
  
SPIKE (with concern): What, you mean the attempted murder happened at Dawn's school? Is the Lil' Bit ok?  
  
BUFFY: She's all right, she's at home dreaming about some doctor…  
  
GILES: Willow's right. We should investigate at Dawn's school. That's the place where we're the most likely to find something.  
  
The whole Scooby Gang left and began to walk towards Dawn's school, while Spike stayed there.  
  
Spike mentally counted how many people he gave the business cards to. He was far from reaching his quota, and he wasn't even sure those would go to the hospital… Rocket would be upset. And an upset Rocket meant no blood supply for poor little Spikey…  
  
He decided to first take a little drink before continuing to look for victims – no, not victims, clients.  
  


*****

  
  
Meanwhile, on the beach…  
  
A man was standing there, facing the sea. All he was wearing was red swimming shorts. Bare feet on the sand. He was just standing there, his hands on his hips, watching the waves as they broke on the shore. And he smiled.  
  
And the moonlight made shine the fangs that began to show…  
  
(Mitch Bucchanon (however it's supposed to be spelled) appears courtesy of _Baywatch_)  
(completely pointless scene, I know...)  
  


*****

  
  
Spike froze when he saw a couple messing around his crypt.  
  
According to the way they were dressed, they looked rather wealthy. But they were humans. Well at least he could still frighten them, the chip didn't prevent him from doing that. And frightened people usually ran. They could fall, and get wounded… And then he could give them those business cards and tell them to go to the hospital…  
  
Spike shook his head. Must he be desperate to be reduced to do that… But getting human blood supplies from Rocket was better than having to drink pig blood… He grimaced at the idea. No. No more pig blood ever again.  
  
He put on his vampire face and jumped behind them.  
  
SPIKE (menacing): AAAARRRR!!!!  
  
They turned round, and hardly raised an eyebrow when they saw him in his vampire face, all fangs out.  
  
MULDER (imperturbable): Excuse me, William the Bloody?  
  
SPIKE (puzzled): Huh?  
  
They drew their badges again.  
  
MULDER: Special agents Mulder and Scully, FBI. Mind if we ask you a few questions?  
  
The FBI… What were they doing there? Spike put his human face back on. Taking that as a yes, the female agent asked:  
  
SCULLY: Do you know Miss Buffy Summers?  
  
SPIKE (smiling): Oh yes…  
  
SCULLY: Would you describe her as a violent person?  
  
SPIKE (smiling even more): Definitely yes…  
  
SCULLY: Have you ever heard of her having a Mr Potato collection, or having an obsession with it?  
  
Why did everyone kept asking him about Mr Potato tonight?  
  
SPIKE: Nope.  
  
SCULLY: Maybe one of her relatives?  
  
About to answer 'no', Spike changed his mind. He might not be able to hurt the whelp, but he could still make his life a bit more miserable than it already was…  
  
SPIKE: Now that you mention it, maybe… I think I saw some of those things at Alexander Harris' apartment a couple of times. He's one of her friends.  
  
Mulder wrote on his notebook: "investigate at Harris apartment".  
  
MULDER: Now… As a vampire yourself, would you identify these as vampire bites?  
  
The male agent took a few photos out of his notebook and showed them to Spike. They were pictures of the Mr Potato victims' necks. They had marks that looked exactly like vampire bites. Spike took a close look at them.  
  
SPIKE: What, that? How amateurish! Who is that supposed to fool? They're just imitations, and bad ones. I'm sure those guys didn't have a single drop of blood sucked from them.  
  
MULDER: Ok. Thank you Mr… Er… Thank you. That's all we wanted to know.  
  
Spike watched them walking away. He hadn't frightened them even a little. Maybe he had lost the knack? Bloody chip.  
  
In the mean time, the two FBI agents were discussing.  
  
SCULLY: We have contradictory testimonies about her violent behavior. One of them has to be lying…  
  
(Special agents Mulder and Scully appear courtesy of _X-Files_… Just in case you didn't know yet…)  
  


*****

  
  
In Buffy's house…  
  
Dawn was lying on her bed, hanging to the phone. She was talking to Janice.  
  
DAWN: Yeah!! You saw him? When he went through the crowd, like… like… a doctor…!  
  
JANICE: You were so lucky to be so close to him…  
  
DAWN: I know… (a sigh) Tomorrow I'll patrol in all the corridors of the school, and if I see him, well, maybe I'll feel suddenly weak…!! (laughs)  
  
DING DONG.  
  
The doorbell. Dawn heard it, but didn't move. She kept talking with Janice.  
  
DINGDONG. Knock knock knock.  
  
As the hits on the door became harder, Dawn hang off with Janice and came down to the door. She saw cigarette smoke through the window. She opened the door and gasped when she saw a woman smoking on the doorstep.  
  
MISS PARKER: I was beginning to think you'd never open. Can I come in?  
  
DAWN: No… (Miss Parker pushed her gently to enter) You can't! My sister is not here and… (understanding she might have said the wrong thing)   
  
MISS PARKER: Alone in the house… So late… And you're opening to a stranger, poor little girl… (sarcastic smile).  
  
DAWN: Don't come near me. (She backed off slowly) If you touch me you'll…  
  
SPIKE: I'll kill you.   
  
As she saw him, Dawn went next to Spike as if he were her big brother. Miss Parker put on her interesting-man smile but Spike kept his killer face.  
  
MISS PARKER: I'm investigating on a man. (beat) Maybe you've seen him, he likes candies and toys. (beat) He always has a red notebook with him.  
  
SPIKE: Have I the face of a pickpocket?  
  
MISS PARKER: Not really. More a serial killer one.  
  
SPIKE (smiling): Thanks.  
  
DAWN: What kind of toys? Could it be… let me guess… Mr. Potato?  
  
MISS PARKER (moving to Dawn): Could be. Have you seen him?  
  
DAWN (hesitating): No… But some FBI agents are looking after a Mr. Potato psychopath.  
  
MISS PARKER: Really?? Thanks. (going back to the door and stubbing out her cigarette on the ground outside) Where can I buy some tobacco here at this time?  
  
Spike opened his leather duster and took out a pack with all kinds of cigarettes even a few Cuban's cigars.  
  
SPIKE: Make your choice.  
  
As Miss Parker took a cigarette, Spike took one too, and they both lit them.  
  
DAWN: Hey, you two are not going to smoke in front of me, right?  
  
SPIKE: The Nibblet's right. We should take this to a more… convenient place… (suggestive smile)  
  
(Miss Parker appears courtesy of _The Pretender_)  
  


*****

  
  
Somewhere downtown…  
  
A man was walking down the street. He was wearing black clothes and his face was almost pale. He seemed to be walking without any goal. He was just keeping on moving. The streets were silent, there was no one. He kept walking. He stopped when he heard the voice of a couple in the adjacent street.  
  
Then he walked slowly to the end of the street. He looked at the couple. He took his red notebook where he read: "Follow the prey, scare the prey, kill the prey and drink the blood".  
  
He sighed. Pretending to be a vampire was not as easy as he had first thought… First, he was not well equipped for the drinking blood part. More practice, he needed more practice… Then, he'd go find some real vampires and infiltrate them…  
  
He put back his book in his pocket and took out a candy from a vampire-headed PEZ distributor before stretching his slingshot armed with Mr. Potato spare parts in the direction of the couple.  
  
(Jarod appears courtesy of _The Pretender_)  
  


*****

  
  
In the administrative building of Sunnydale's hospital, during the same night…  
  
SCULLY: I've got it! Miss Summers Buffy…  
  
MULDER: Anything interesting?  
  
SCULLY: She's been admitted a lot of times… Two years ago, she was in blood lack, bite traces on the neck. Last summer she's been killed…  
  
MULDER: What?  
  
SCULLY: Take a look at the coroner's report. "Fatal fall". More recently she's been shot. And the operation was interrupted by a friend of hers.  
  
MULDER: How can she be so healthy now?  
  
SCULLY: Ok. Now, we know who has lied. She *do* know about the vampires and about much more I think…   
  
MULDER: Wow, Scully, I would have never expected that much audacity in conclusions coming from *you*…  
  
SCULLY: Let's have a look at Harris' apartment. He might be sleeping at this time.  
  
(Special agents Mulder and Scully appear courtesy of _X-Files_… See you soon…)  
  


*****

  
  
In front of Dawn's high school, the sunlight began to appear…  
  
BUFFY: Hurry up! I don't want to go to jail another time for a break-in.  
  
GILES: I know… But… I don't manage to open this damned door…  
  
XANDER (nervous): I hate high school. I'm happy to be a worker by now you know…  
  
BUFFY: Ok. Let's have it my way!  
  
Giles backed off, and Buffy just gave a kick in the door, which opened.  
  
ANYA: Good yield.  
  
WILLOW: Ok. We must do this quickly… Dawn said the attack took place near the canteen hall. We may find some clues there…  
  
They walked quickly to the filming scene. Cameras and micros were still in the corridor. They looked everywhere. Everything seemed to be normal. No evidence of an evil or demoniac presence.  
  
They began to leave when Xander slipped on something and screamed when he fell on his back.  
  
XANDER: What's that? A pez distributor! Have I already said that I hate high school…?  
  
WILLOW: Show me that…  
  
XANDER: Just a teenager victim, let it down Willow, that's not important…  
  
BUFFY: Are you ok Xander?  
  
XANDER: Yeah. Let's go back home please…  
  
WILLOW: Since when do Pez distributors have evil-heads?  
  
ANYA: Oh. Since a few weeks. Better for the sells.  
  
GILES: What is it? A vampire?  
  
WILLOW: Yeah. It seems to be the exact reproduction of the Master.  
  
BUFFY: The one all wrinkled? How can it be sold?  
  
ANYA: Teenagers love horror things. That's what we need at the magic Box!! Giles! We need something really reluctant to have more clients. Something attractive for the youngs…  
  
The Scoobies looked at her as she was talking alone.  
  
GILES (sighing): In your ad, just tell that the shopkeeper is a vengeance demon with a really reluctant face…  
  
ANYA: Hey!  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
_Here we are again!  
The next couple of chapters are already written, so chapter 3 should be posted soon...  
In the meantime, please review! ;-)  
  
**~ The 3 She-geeks ~**_  



	3. Chapter 3

  


**Chapter 3**

  
  
A couple of hours earlier, at a demon bar…  
  
Spike and Miss Parker were at the counter, drinking whiskey after whiskey and smoking cigarette after cigarette.  
  
SPIKE: Do you know some wealthy people than wouldn't mind getting beaten up and would go to the hospital afterwards?  
  
MISS PARKER: I should put you in touch with some of our experimental subjects, I'm sure some of them wouldn't mind being beaten up. But they're not exactly wealthy. And we already have a medical area at the Center anyway.  
  
SPIKE (pouting): Oh… So, you're in the business. What are you into exactly? Torture? Murder?  
  
MISS PARKER: Indeed… Both. For example… This guy I'm looking for… He's been kidnapped when he was a kid and he's served us to plan murders.  
  
SPIKE: I see. You're a professional.  
  
MISS PARKER: You too. As I can see, you're both respected by humans and by those… persons. (she nodded her head towards the bar, where three demons were sitting)  
  
SPIKE: Well. I'm used to stick them up at poker.  
  
MISS PARKER (interested smile): Poker? Huh… Well… If it's possible, I'd love to join you in a game tonight.  
  
SPIKE: Let me arrange that.  
  
Spike stood up and walked to the three demons. Miss Parker couldn't understand what he was saying but waved hi when the three heads turned to look at her. Spike made her a sign and the five of them went to the back of the bar. Spike distributed the cards quickly.  
  
CLEM: Ok. Nice game… Who starts?  
  
SPIKE: I will… (turning to another demon) Hey, remember, you still owe me two kittens…  
  
OTHER DEMON: Yep. Here they are.  
  
MISS PARKER: Kittens? I'd prefer human babies…  
  
A few hours later…  
  
MISS PARKER (showing her cards with a grin): Straight flush!  
  
All the four let down their cards.  
  
SPIKE (disappointed): Ok. I give up!  
  
MISS PARKER: Hey, hey, hey… Not now. Remember?  
  
SPIKE: Yeah. I'll give you that tomorrow evening, ok?   
  
MISS PARKER: That's the deal. But remember, I want it to be fresh!  
  
Spike quickly looked outside.  
  
SPIKE: The sun is going to rise soon. I'd better go. (to himself) A mischievous sprite… Where am I gonna find that?  
  
(Miss Parker appears courtesy of _The Pretender_)  
  


*****

  
  
Very early in the morning, down the building where Xander lived…  
  
Coming back home after an almost unfruitful night with the Scoobies, Xander and Anya were climbing the stairs that led to Xander's apartment.  
  
ANYA: I don't like when we spend the whole night on a patrol or on some research duty. We didn't even have hot wild sex tonight and you'll have to leave for the site soon.  
  
Xander looked at her with a smile. Anya. As a vengeance demon or as a human – or as a vengeance demon again – she would never change.  
  
ANYA: Xander, couldn't you report sick today? That way we can have hot wild sex all day long!  
  
XANDER: I'd love to, honey, but I really have to go to work. Besides you have to go to the Magic Box too. Open the shop, take care of the clients… You know, taking their money…  
  
ANYA (pouting): Oh. You're right.  
  
What a Cornelian choice Anya had to make. Sex or Money? Sex. No, wait, Money. Or Sex. Or maybe Money. God, why did she have to choose between the two?  
  
ANYA: And what about you reporting sick and spending the day at the Magic Box with me? So that I can make a lot of money and we can still have hot wild sex all day long!  
  
XANDER: Anya. No. (hesitating) Anyway I don't think Giles would be too pleased with that idea.  
  
ANYA: I don't care about Giles. *I* am the manager now.  
  
Eventually arriving on the right floor, Xander took his key out of his pocket, but froze when he saw that the door was already half-opened. Cautiously looking inside, he saw the FBI agents that he met earlier at the site, putting the whole place upside down. He burst into the room, followed by Anya.  
  
XANDER: Hey, you again? What are you doing here?  
  
SCULLY: Searching. We have a warrant.  
  
XANDER: Well I hope you have one!  
  
SCULLY (looking at Anya): I don't think we know you.  
  
ANYA (matter-of-factly): I'm Anya.  
  
MULDER (happily surprised): Oh, Anyanka? Former demon, right?  
  
ANYA: Ex former demon, actually.  
  
XANDER: May I know why you two are searching my apartment? I thought you were investigating about those deaths involving Mr Potato spare parts!  
  
SCULLY (staring at him): We never told you about those deaths.  
  
XANDER: Yes you did! You…  
  
Xander hesitated. Maybe they hadn't exactly talked about it and it was the Scoobies who did.  
  
XANDER: Anyway, you don't seriously think I'm involved in this? I haven't even seen any Mr Potato since kindergarten…  
  
MULDER: Oh, so maybe you'd like to explain us why we found this (showing a pair of Mr Potato) in the middle of your personal belongings?  
  
XANDER: What?? Look, I don't know what this is doing here, I never saw this…  
  
MULDER: Of course. (taking handcuffs) Mr Alexander Harris, you're under arrest.  
  
XANDER: But I *swear* I never saw those toys! This is a horrible mistake! (then turning to Anya) Anya! Go find the Scoobies!  
  
Anya watched the two agents lead him outside by the shoulders. Maybe she should tell them that those toys belonged to her and not to Xander…  
  
(Special agents Fox Mulder and Dana Scully appear courtesy of X-Files… I think they decided to stay for a while… And I also think they never sleep…)  
  


*****

  
  
Meanwhile, at the Summers' house…  
  
Buffy came back from the night of investigation with the Scoobies, with only one thought on mind: going to bed. But her plans got spoiled when she met Dawn in the kitchen.  
  
DAWN (with a concerned look): Where were you? I was so worried! A strange woman came at the house last night!  
  
BUFFY: You didn't open to her I hope … Dawn…  
  
DAWN: There was cigarette smoke, I thought it was you and…  
  
BUFFY: No! Dawn ! That's over. No more games with a vampire. And anyway do you really think I would knock?  
  
DAWN: I know it's over, but… The last time you spent the night out of the house you where sleeping with him, so I…  
  
BUFFY: I wasn't with Spike.  
  
DAWN: I know. He was here. With this woman.  
  
BUFFY: What woman?  
  
DAWN: She asked some questions about a man she was looking for. (beat) Did you sleep with something evil again?  
  
BUFFY: Dawn! I was investigating! With all the gang!  
  
DAWN: You know, you can if you want, I don't mind, just tell me. I was really worried…  
  
BUFFY: Dawn, listen. I wasn't… (noticing for the first time since she came back that Dawn was busy doing something) What are you doing?  
  
DAWN: Preparing lunch. I've got to go to school. Remember? Boring classes with boring professors…  
  
BUFFY: Oh. So why did you take my lipstick?  
  
DAWN: Huh… Just in case, you never know… Bye!  
  
Buffy gapped as Dawn was leaving the house, but quickly came back to earth when the phone rang.  
  
BUFFY: Hello?… Wait, wait, calm down Xander!… What do you mean you're in jail? No! I'm sorry, I can't… No…. I'd really like to help you, but I need some sleep, and I'm beginning my shift at the Doublemeat in one hour… You have only one call? (sigh) Nooo!!! It's only the fourth time you're asking! Look, I'll call Giles and you'll see that with him. Bye.  
  
Without wanting Xander to answer, she hung off the phone. She dialed Giles' number.  
  
BUFFY (muttering to herself): Why do all my friends have to go in jail? He's Anya's boyfriend, she should be the one dealing with that kind of stuff… (hearing the familiar voice) Giles? Hey, guess who's in jail? No, that's not me…  
  


*****

  
  
In jail… Around twelve.  
  
XANDER: Not any visit?  
  
MULDER: Nope.  
  
XANDER (hopefully): A call maybe?  
  
SCULLY: Listen. Nobody came for you or called for you. So answer our questions… I'm bored with that.  
  
MULDER: Where were you last night?  
  
XANDER (with a smile): Cemetery? High school?   
  
Mulder gave a hit on the table.  
  
MULDER: Stop with that now!! Witnesses saw you in Main Street.  
  
XANDER: Actually, it's the most frequented street of Sunnydale.  
  
SCULLY: It's also the crime scene where a couple has been found throttled with spare parts of Mr. Potato.  
  
XANDER: No! Wait! I was… With my friends, they can tell you!  
  
MULDER: The same friends you've been waiting for during four hours?  
  
XANDER: Yep. You have this point. (trying to win time) What parts of Mr Potato ?  
  
SCULLY: The lab studied what we found in your flat. The parts correspond.  
  
XANDER: What? Is that a joke ? It can't be possible, listen…  
  
MULDER: No more games. The parts that killed the couple correspond to the missing parts of the toys found in your flat. Which means that…  
  
XANDER (afraid): I know what it means! But they're not *my* toys. I really didn't do anything, believe me.  
  
SCULLY: Mulder? We have to talk.  
  
Both FBI agents went out of the room. To have what looked like a very confidential discussion in a very crowed corridor. As usually in fact!  
  
SCULLY: Ok. So what's your theory?  
  
MULDER: A teenager who has been persecuted in his childhood – Mr. Potato parts – and who is now getting is vengeance.  
  
SCULLY: Wow!  
  
MULDER: What?  
  
SCULLY: No aliens? No double personality? No paranormal capacities?   
  
MULDER: He's a friend of the Slayer at least. Isn't it weird enough for you?  
  
SCULLY: Well. I've been used to more action, more mysterious evidences… All this is so… Fade.  
  
MULDER: You're right. Should we release him?  
  
SCULLY: Why not? I need some rest, don't you? (her usual enigmatic smile)  
  
MULDER (absently): I think I've completely forgotten to tell him his rights…   
  
SCULLY: Hey! Wait a minute! I know!  
  
MULDER (focused): What? No more funny nap?  
  
SCULLY: He didn't take a lawyer! That's not usual! Maybe he isn't human?  
  
MULDER: A building construction chief demon? And I'm supposed to be the imaginative one… No… Now, imagine, a shaking bed…   
  
SCULLY (again the smile): Shaking? Well… Ops! I'll sign the release paper straight away!  
  
(Special agents Fox Mulder and Dana Scully appear courtesy of X-Files… Who did you say?…)  
  


*****

  
  
In Spike's crypt, around the same time…  
  
SPIKE: That's all you want? Well… That seems to be a good deal.  
  
JAROD: You know, I tried to kill people. Actually, I *did* kill people… But I didn't manage to bite them enough to suck their blood.  
  
SPIKE : Ahaahaha ! That's not surprising, look at your kitty teeth. (sighing) You have a lot to learn. Come tonight with the mischievous sprite… And then, I'll turn you into a vampire…  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
_Hey, what a cliffhanger!  
Will Jarod be turned?  
Find out in the next chapter...  
Soon... :-)  
  
**~ The 3 She-geeks ~**_  



End file.
